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Best Facebook Statuses

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Submit funny, witty, profound, and profoundly ignorant statuses here. Laugh a little. This is very new...so submit...and stuff.  )

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03/16/2010 22:17:41

"doesn’t understand how the 2010 Census is over-budget. Aren’t these humans paid to count?"

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01/20/2010 21:12:54

"wants to know: if the fetus whose life you save turns out to be gay, will you still fight for its rights?"

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01/10/2010 13:22:37

Some changes:

I’ve enabled guest posting so if you’ve got a particularly funny or poignant Facebook status, feel free to share!

We just ask that (unless of course it’s from a celebrity page) you block identifying names in photo submissions.

Thanks for reading!

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01/08/2010 00:49:14

"Fact: I can’t take a grown man in Ugg boots with their pants tucked in seriously. Yeah, I’m laughin’ at you. I don’t care if they make them for men too. ha"

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01/01/2010 17:25:26

"But soon for a n*gga it be on, mu’f*cka ‘Cause all the bullshit, it made me strong, mu’f*cka So I pick the world up and I’ma drop it on your f*ckin’ head"

--The whitest suburbanite I went to school with.

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01/01/2010 15:13:57

"Excuse me bathroom attendant. Stop talking to me about gettin’ some New Year’s pussy. Dat shit’s gross and I’m GAY."

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01/01/2010 13:12:52

"note: drunk girls annoy the fuck out of me… No matter how sweet the spoils are…"

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01/01/2010 11:12:11

on TUMBLR | Five different types of Facebook status

newkidthehavoc:

  • The cool Facebook status

Now becoming more and more popular , the ‘cool’ Facebook status update is one which includes any number of symbols or special characters which you can find by pressing secret key combinations on your number pad or keyboard. When people see these Facebook statuses they think ‘wow … cool … how can I do that?’ and then they forget all about it and go back to work …

Example: Michael Jackson’s Life Story using emoticons:☻ – born - became ♔ of pop – died - ☺

  • The funny Facebook status

Since Facebook removed the necessity to include your own name in status updates , more and more jokes and one-liners have started appearing inside the the wall feed messages .. These range from the rude , to the crude , to the hilarious.

Example: Why don’t aliens eat clowns? Because they taste funny.

  • The philosophical Facebook status

Facebook is hugely popular with College and University students across the world , and if there is one thing that students like (except for getting wildly drunk and experimenting with prescription medication) it is pretending that they are philosophers .. What better way to make people think your mind is capable of individual thought than by quoting someone who’s been dead for 300 years? Exactly ..

Example: A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is never quite sure. ~Lee Segall

  • The witty Facebook status

Because of the limited space in the Facebook status update box, witty puns or phrases have become increasingly popular .. Short , to the point and can make people laugh (and give people something to tell their friends in the office) …

Example: “If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?”

  • The romantic Facebook status

As Facebook becomes more a tool used for global communication and keeping people in touch , more and more people are using it to chat with family and friends around the globe .. No communication application would be complete without soppy , romantic status updates from lovers who are pining for each other from a distance of 10000 miles …

Example: One word frees us / Of all the weight and pain in life / That word is Love ~ Socrates


So , there you have them – cool .. funny .. witty .. philosophical and romantic … Which one are you? Don’t lie now .. be honest!

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12/20/2009 20:59:58

"there’s a fat guy in a pastry shop with a $20 bill, and he’s ready to buy. In order to predict his volume change, you’ll need to know the value of pie."

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12/20/2009 18:57:42

"is stuck in a blizzard and the only way to get out is alcohol."

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pg 1 of 8

================================================================================

Designed: Robert Boylan
Powered: Tumblr

 

(Best Facebook Statuses)
RSS    SEARCH

================================================================================

Best Facebook Statuses

================================================================================

Submit funny, witty, profound, and profoundly ignorant statuses here. Laugh a little. This is very new...so submit...and stuff.  )

================================================================================

03/16/2010 22:17:41

"doesn’t understand how the 2010 Census is over-budget. Aren’t these humans paid to count?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

01/20/2010 21:12:54

"wants to know: if the fetus whose life you save turns out to be gay, will you still fight for its rights?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

01/10/2010 13:22:37

Some changes:

I’ve enabled guest posting so if you’ve got a particularly funny or poignant Facebook status, feel free to share!

We just ask that (unless of course it’s from a celebrity page) you block identifying names in photo submissions.

Thanks for reading!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

01/08/2010 00:49:14

"Fact: I can’t take a grown man in Ugg boots with their pants tucked in seriously. Yeah, I’m laughin’ at you. I don’t care if they make them for men too. ha"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

01/01/2010 17:25:26

"But soon for a n*gga it be on, mu’f*cka ‘Cause all the bullshit, it made me strong, mu’f*cka So I pick the world up and I’ma drop it on your f*ckin’ head"

--The whitest suburbanite I went to school with.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

01/01/2010 15:13:57

"Excuse me bathroom attendant. Stop talking to me about gettin’ some New Year’s pussy. Dat shit’s gross and I’m GAY."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

01/01/2010 13:12:52

"note: drunk girls annoy the fuck out of me… No matter how sweet the spoils are…"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

01/01/2010 11:12:11

on TUMBLR | Five different types of Facebook status

newkidthehavoc:

  • The cool Facebook status

Now becoming more and more popular , the ‘cool’ Facebook status update is one which includes any number of symbols or special characters which you can find by pressing secret key combinations on your number pad or keyboard. When people see these Facebook statuses they think ‘wow … cool … how can I do that?’ and then they forget all about it and go back to work …

Example: Michael Jackson’s Life Story using emoticons:☻ – born - became ♔ of pop – died - ☺

  • The funny Facebook status

Since Facebook removed the necessity to include your own name in status updates , more and more jokes and one-liners have started appearing inside the the wall feed messages .. These range from the rude , to the crude , to the hilarious.

Example: Why don’t aliens eat clowns? Because they taste funny.

  • The philosophical Facebook status

Facebook is hugely popular with College and University students across the world , and if there is one thing that students like (except for getting wildly drunk and experimenting with prescription medication) it is pretending that they are philosophers .. What better way to make people think your mind is capable of individual thought than by quoting someone who’s been dead for 300 years? Exactly ..

Example: A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is never quite sure. ~Lee Segall

  • The witty Facebook status

Because of the limited space in the Facebook status update box, witty puns or phrases have become increasingly popular .. Short , to the point and can make people laugh (and give people something to tell their friends in the office) …

Example: “If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?”

  • The romantic Facebook status

As Facebook becomes more a tool used for global communication and keeping people in touch , more and more people are using it to chat with family and friends around the globe .. No communication application would be complete without soppy , romantic status updates from lovers who are pining for each other from a distance of 10000 miles …

Example: One word frees us / Of all the weight and pain in life / That word is Love ~ Socrates


So , there you have them – cool .. funny .. witty .. philosophical and romantic … Which one are you? Don’t lie now .. be honest!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

12/20/2009 20:59:58

"there’s a fat guy in a pastry shop with a $20 bill, and he’s ready to buy. In order to predict his volume change, you’ll need to know the value of pie."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

12/20/2009 18:57:42

"is stuck in a blizzard and the only way to get out is alcohol."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

pg 1 of 8

================================================================================

Designed: Robert Boylan
Powered: Tumblr